Topic 3: Breakups

Amanda:
Well lets see . . . Breakups are never easy. They are never clean. In the end, one person is always hurt more than the other. But how do you survive those messy things. You could jump right back into the dating scene, but I strongly suggest you avoid that scene. You should have a cry, even if it's just a few minutes. Crying isn't a sign of weakness it's a sign of truth. You admit to yourseld that no matter the duration of the relationship or the depth of the feelings that you did actually allow yourself to open up. Then get mad. You don't even have to be mad at anyone in particular. Then get happy. You are free to now do as you please without the constant inclusion of someone else that may or may not have enjoyed the same activities. Then just be you . Don't expect to find love/lust right aroung the corner. When its the right time it will find you and that person will enjoy you as you are . . . a baggage free entity. (Major rule for dating, never bring old baggage along).

Laura:
Well, since I have never been in a real relationship (having dated a guy in 7th grade for a few weeks, which was never real to begin with) I guess that I have very little experience in breakups. The only guy I ever dumped was a guy who had only asked me out because of a misunderstanding, and I dumped him 23 hrs later (simple math, no obsesion) and he is now one of my best friends, I guess I don't have a lot to say.
I agree with Amanda, you need time to recover and maybe even cry. I almost cried over the first relationship, but then I realized you can't REALLY date until you are older than we were.
There was no real reason for us to date other than he was the first guy to ask me out.
I hope my next relationship (Be it guy or girl) will be better than that was, and end better than that did.
Elane:
Breakups . . . they hurt. Each person, whether one may admit it and the other doesn't it hurts both persons. Haing a relaionship so strong with someone then suddenly getting that ripped out of your hands by problems or trivial matters or stupid reasoning, hurts alot especially if that person was someone you felt so connected to. After a breakup, you then feel that emptiness, that feeling of need and loneliness, that you need someone or things are all over in life, so you instead hurt someone else by having what is called 'a rebound' relationship with someone you think is a better person, but then realize not too long later you did it for filling that void for a little, however that just makes you look as bad as when you just were broken up with, or broke up with someone else.
Sierra:
I don't belive in rebound dating. It's bad and never ends well. I'm not to big into dating, because people get hurt and why not live life before we settle down.But what you need to realize before you start dating is that even though your with someone you need to know that you can make yourself happy without someone's "love" but most people confuse lust for love. And you should not let anyone pressure you into that unless you're ready and comfortable with yourself. You never owe it to someone. If you think you do you get hurt and feel guilty and a bad breakup normally follows.
With my experience I've dated jerks and nice guys and been aroung alot in the dating area and came to the conclusion: yes relationships are meant to find someone to make you happy and you want to make them happy. So, if you're not happy, figure out why and if it's the person, don't cling to the relationship or you will get hurt along with probably crushing the other person. Also if your in a sticky breakup, just remember if you care about a person you want them to be happy and that makes you happy so if they're happy means you move on and respect it.
Also breaking up should never be done over text, email, IM, message or anything but face to face in person and don't try to hurt them. When you do break up, wait at least a week, preferably a week and 3days before finding someone else so you can find out if your head is straight, then every girl deserves a day to mope and eat comfort foor even if it's not needed, you will feel better then get back to living. And remember just because you weren't meant to be together doesn't mean you weren't meant to be friends.
And to end this statement, loving is about making your loved ones happy, even if that means them being happy with someone else. This has to be one of the most important things to remember about dating.
Elane:
If you love someone and they leave you, remember to set them free. If they come back one day and you're there still waiting, it was meant to be. Also never let yourself be put down. You may not be with them anymore, but you don't look at yourself as it being your fault ot you'll never be able to date properly without seeing all these faults and problems and worries in yourself. As for finging someone, even if they have their problems and they act rude sometimes or have their flaws, remember that you do too. Believe in who your with and they will for you. Find someone whi is worth your time and you're worth their time. Be happy and make sure they're happy too.
Sierra:
I totally agree with that. We're all human and we have flaws. To love someone you have to accept that their flaws make them special and unique. And from personal experience, I dated a guy and after I broke up with him a month before homecoming he turned into a tota jerk and started spreading lies and rumors about me that eventually got aroung to the whole school and the teachers and principal did nothing to help but put me in suspension, punishing me for their cruelty.
So my story is get to know the percon first. Most definately because you might enf up being known as "the pregnant girl" or herpies or easy or some immature thing and the pregnant thing, people still ask if I am and it's almost been a year so watch out who you date, don't just date a person for looks, date on the inside, love feels with the heart, not the eyes.
Elane:
That's harsh. People do that. After me and a girl dated, her parents found out and sent her to another state to try and 'de-gayafy' her. She came back and spread all sorts of rumors about me along with my used to be best friend and made a lot of my old friends hate me.
Sierra:
People are so immature with that kind of thing and don't notice that words hurt because once they're said you can't take them back and depending on what was said, people will remember forever.
Elane:
I lost almost all of my friends minus like 3, and now I am known as the girl who goes through guys incredibly easy and that I ruin girls by turning them gay.
Laura:
I never had any rumors like that, my ex never spread a rumor. He was just a jackass (still is).
But my prefered method of description on the love vs. lust is that lust falls into what I call Luv. It's an easy loophole that I like. Luv, is not even close to Love. Luv is lust, boyfriends, girlfriends, people you aren't yet sure about having forever with.
One of my best friends dated this guy on and off for a while. He would break up with her and move to this other girl, then they would split and he would go back. Repeat cycle.
I got pissed off because my friend was mad at the other girl, ready to rip her to shreds.
Then they got back together for supposedly good. A week into the relationship they were saying and texting 'I love you" (which inspired the Luv realization). But I hardly say Love to anyone except imediate family.
I would feel uncomfortably is the 'i love you's came before 8months to a year.
Sierra:
Love can come fast sometimes, though. And luv or lust can come even faster. My advise on that is to wait.

Autumn:
Even thought most break-ups are hard, they can be easy too. I guess it depends on the relationship. Almost all relationships I've had, I broke it off because it wasn't working. I didn't find it hard at all. (But that may be due to the fact that I'm a bit . . . unemotionsal, I guess. In those types of situations.)